January 9, 2013 at 11:56 pm
Dear Lynn, dear fellow survivors. Twenty years ago, it was not as easy to find help as it is now. And I can only recommend getting the information from the web and pulling all your courage together to get help from someone who knows what they are doing. – Because I didn’t.
I didn’t try to suicide, I even managed to have a “relatively” normal relationship in the last twenty years, but it takes a lot of power from me every single day, struggling to keep depression at bay, trying to muddle through and feeling alone, although there are people who love me.
And it scares me to look back and find, that it took me twenty years of my life to get the courage and talk to someone about what happened to me. I could have saved myself and my partner so much pain if I had gotten help in the first place. And it might have saved my relationship in the end; he never knew, until it was too late.
If you are uncertain, remember, no one will ask you to talk about any specifics until you are ready to do so. But you will feel better if you get this off your soul, and if you are being taken seriously. Once you know someone is going to help you, you will be able to free your head and look to your own future.
Don’t let something like this ruin your life and your future. If you can pull your courage together to take the first step, you will start feeling in control of your own life again, which will allow you to move on and leave the past behind.
Thank you Lynn for running this page, I am reading and slowly understanding why my mind is totally messed up in many different ways. I am ready to leave it behind now, finally. I got myself help, finally.
Thank you so much for this site! I was raped 9 months ago and I just cried about it and truly let it out a few nights ago. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. It really turned my life upside down. I never imagined in a million years it would have rocked me to my core like it has.
I am writing to thank you for the information, most sites only give information on rape (which is still too taboo in our society); your site actually gives steps to help survivors move on. It has been the most helpful out of all the information I have found. I want to thank you for that and keep up what you are doing it helps more people than you would ever dream of!
Thank you so much for this site! I was raped 9 months ago and I just cried about it and truly let it out a few nights ago. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. It really turned my life upside down. I never imagined in a million years it would have rocked me to my core like it has. I am writing to thank you for the information, most sites only give information on rape (which is still too taboo in our society); your site actually gives steps to help survivors move on. It has been the most helpful out of all the information I have found. I want to thank you for that and keep up what you are doing it helps more people than you would ever dream of!
hi lynn i wrote to you on the 2nd of feb 09 and just want to up-date you on whats going on. he as now been on remand since march and hes back in court and friday the 8th of may he still wont own up but i got too much evidence on him and about 29 girls have now come forward so my case is now stronger than ever.
A MESSAGE TO EVERY OTHER VICTIM OF RAPE BE STRONG THINGS WILL LOOK UP IN THE END IT ALL TAKES TIME
Thank you so much Lynn. Everything you said made sense, I havenâ€™t even thought about that the reasons for me not fighting back were valid. It scares me to think that this guy might have done the same thing to other girls, but it does make sense. I am working on taking the next step to counseling now. Thanks again!
thanks lynn for your time and help
thank you for your help, its great what your doing, and coming on a sight like this makes you realize your not alone and that there are other sufferers too. thanks again.
Its been a while, I have been great for the last few months. My counselor left in May (not my choice) and since then i tried to get along with another lady, she was really nice but i told her (in all honesty) that i just couldnt start again and i wanted a break.
I really didnt think it possible but i am happy. (no not all the time) but more so then i have ever been, i finally feel like i am being a real teenager who is no longer holding onto the past hurts. I have relaxed myself enough to enter a friendly relationship with a guy that shows me so much respect. I laugh everyday, i dont go home and dwell. School is so much easier then i ever thought possible. And friendships have become so much less complicated since i have let myself relax.
I just think that there was a point where i simply didnt think that i could ever be like this, it happens! It really does! Its not just a lie they tell you so you wont kill yourself! There IS hope, just wanted to let you know its people like you who help others reach this point.
Thank you. This is the first time Iâ€™ve been able to talk to someone and not regret it. I had just about given up hope. This helped more than I thought it would. Baby steps, right?
THANKFUL!Â I just wanted to leave a thank you.All your information here is really helping me.Just 2 days ago I was raped.It is hard to say that because its still so fresh.The police have gotten my statement and had arrested the man but today I was feeling scared and alone.Like he was in my head just from the memories.All my thoughts today were it was my fault.Just like you were saying the ifs and ans.After reading what you had to say it was like this boulder just fell off my shoulders.Thank you again because just 15 mins ago I feeling very depressed and alone and now you have made me feel strong again.You have given me my strength back.THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M.Â thx for everything, this site is so great-it helped me a lot and iâ€™m sure it will help many more survivors!
C.Â Â Bless this site!
I searched the web for ages after I was raped looking for a site like this an am so relived now Iâ€™ve found it!
It may sound strange but I cannot express how much of a relief it is to hear other people experiencing the same emotional roller coaster as myself. The 1 thing that always helped me was when the nurse told me to stop thinking of it as a sexual act and as an act of control. That helped me try to get my head round it a little but its the after effects. Iâ€™m so scared when I meet new guys and I canâ€™t get close to them without thinking about it, I suppose I need to allow myself more time to heal but I over worry as Iâ€™m 26 thinking Iâ€™m turning into an anti-man campaignist lol. I think as earlier stated I need to accept whats happened, trust it wasnâ€™t my fault and take each day as it comes!
Much love to everyone whoâ€™s experienced or knows of someone going through the same things, WE WILL ALL GET THERE!!!!!! xXx
No longer loosing it
i Spoke with the EAP counselor, she is actually a rape specialist (go the luck). She diagnosed me with PTSD (post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and now that i know what it is it seems so much more manageable, its just another medical condition to manage.
Thanks to you lynne and this website for giving me the courage to go and share my story
B. THank you for the web site and the hotline. Iâ€™m going to go to the site as soon as possible. I want to feel whole again more than anything in the world. I am going to get help, that is the promise I have made to myself. Thank you again.
I just wanted to say thank you for your website, I came across it in a google search. Iâ€™ve been raped twice (once by someone I knew and trusted and once by a stranger) and was repeatedly raped by my ex – Iâ€™d say no, heâ€™d go ahead anyway. I never wanted to call it rape, but when I think back thatâ€™s exactly what it was. This website has helped me clarify what happened to me as rape and I think that has helped. In a macabre way, and I mean no offense at all, from the comments I see on here its comforting to know Iâ€™m not the only one going through this – though obviously I wish none of us here were. T.
thank you so much for your time! It feels really good to know someone is out there that has a shoulder for you on the sad days! R.
May 1, 2012 at 2:46 am
I’m a rape survivor. I was raped by a male and female neighbor when I was 5 and they were 15. I was also raped by my older brother from the time I was 6 until 13.
I told multiple people through out my childhood, even my parents and nothing was ever done to stop it. My mother often said she didn’t know what to do, and my father told me he thought it was normal childhood exploration, ie., show me yours and I’ll show you mine.
I’m 34 years old now, a single father of a two year old daughter and it took years of therapy and self reflection to get to a point in my life that I was proud of who I am and happy with myself.
Rape is something that isn’t understood by people that have not experienced it, though women tend to be much more understanding than men. I spent my childhood, adolescence and my early adult hood basically being a horrible angry person. I was mad at the world, mad at God, mad at my parents and the list goes on. I hated men, and spent a majority of my life fighting. My relationships with women were strained because I was so angry that I often took it out on them in the form of verbal abuse. I was hated in the community in which I lived, but no one knew what I had been through because I never felt anyone would understand, so I internalized my pain and expressed it in violence toward any and all men.
I spent 10 years in therapy and although I am not the angry person I used to be, I still have a distrust of all men.
I continue to go to a therapist bi-weekly, because it’s important for me to be a good parent for my daughter, and to ensure that I’m a positive role model of other victims of sexual abuse. As a college student, I’ve written papers on my experiences of rape, and written papers on rape blame.
It’s important that as a victim, that you seek help as quickly as possible. That you are not to blame, even if you did make bad choices in trying to deal with it on your own. Find people to tell, and continue telling your story until someone listens. But it’s important to get your story out so others can also learn from what you’ve been through.
I started seeing a woman months ago, and had her copy edit one of my papers for my composition class, a narrative discussing my rape experiences. Her reading my paper caused her to open up to me about her experiences. Not only did her brother rape her as a child, but she was raped by someone she had met at a local grocery store and subsequently became pregnant and now has a 2 year old bi-racial boy as a result of that rape. She lost her husband, over the situation, lost friends and even her parents didn’t believe her. Saying that she put herself in that position. Because of me, she’s now going to therapy to deal with her trauma that she has buried.
I find it important as a man to share my story with women, because I have a unique ability to completely understand rape.
Don’t ever give up seeking help, never blame yourself and don’t listen to those that do blame you. It’s often easier for others that can’t identify with you, or understand what you went through to blame you than it is for them to understand and accept. It’s also important for you to know that you’re not alone, and while the humiliation and violation you feel from your situation is something you’d like to forget, the reality is you can’t. Seek help, and talk about it. It helps a lot more than you think.
June 2, 2012 at 7:32 pm (Edit)
I was raped repeatedly by my boyfriends father several years ago. When I managed to get away from him he made me feel like I had hurt him really bad and he made me feel as if it was my fault. Ever since then I have just buried it, blamed myself and been happy on the surface. I had a few failed relationships that just seemed to be about sex. And then a couple of months ago an older man tried it on with me. This brought up all my bad memories and I went into a deep depression. My family noticed that something was wrong and eventually I told them what happened. They were totally devasted. I decided to turn my life around by going on a charity organised trip to Africa, at first I felt good because I had run away from my feelings. I became stronger mentally and realized I had a life and every day was a gift. But when I returned home memories still existed. I decided then that I was not going to let my past ruin another day of my life. I went on line and saw this amazing site. Thank you, Lynn you have given me so many tips and hope. I have read through other stories and oh my god. I wish everyone who has suffered such an horrific event the best of luck. You are all strong and ever so beautiful. Reading these posts has made me want to get up and sort my self out. I am going to go to a local counseller. Already writing it down has made me feel so much better.
It is some thing, I think, that I will always carry with me. I just don’t want it to affect me and stop me being happy.