Types of rape

1) Sexual Assault (whether from someone you knew or a stranger):

Rape is an act of physical and sexual violence done to gain power and control. It is not a sexual act or act of passion. Approx. 80% of rapes involve non-physical force, just the verbal threat of injury or threat with a weapon. They use just enough force via mentally or physically to gain submission and then the aggression continues once they have submission. In many cases there are no bruises or physical injury to indicate rape because the rapist doesn’t want to leave evidence and make it harder on the victim to prove. Approx 71% of all rapes the attack is planned by trapping the victim, which occurs in date rape, aquaintance rape, or gang rape. Approx. 11% of rapes are partially planned. This occurs when the rapist realizes that the victim is in a vulnerable position, such as burglaries turning into rape. Also, rape most often occurs in the home of the victim.

2) Submissive Rape:

This is the most unrecognized and least talked about of all rapes. It is also very common because when some victims become so terrified they go into survival mode by staying as calm and figure out the best possible way to get out of the situation, even if that is to temporarily “mentally check out” of the physical act happening. If it happens to be a stranger, submissive rape is common because the victim doesn’t know if this person is capable of killing or not. Most victims of submissive rape feel this was their weakness and unfortunately usually have to answer to the people they’ve confided in and explain why they did what they did, when at the time they don’t understand themselves. Let me tell you, this is a strength not a weakness because the victim did what they had to do to get out of the situation, still alive (even though it doesn’t feel like it). You had to save yourself the only way you knew you could at the time.

Then there is submissive rape with someone you know, even possibly a husband, boyfriend or maybe an ex. This type of rape is very controversial because it is their word against yours and you may have even had consensual sex before. This is also the most common type of rape amongst married people and couples since they are hardly ever reported because they think no one will believe them. It is all about control, not you, remember – rape is rape is rape.

3) Drug-facilitated rape:

I can give some personal insight on this since it happened to me twice in my life. The first time I didn’t know what happened. Didn’t tell anyone and thought I must of blacked out and stayed in denial. Years later I realized what happened to me and dealt with both rapes. Drug facilited rapes are in rampage everywhere from your typical clubs and house parties to your neighborhood restaurants. It can be a stranger to someone you thought you knew or trusted. Their line (if you catch or know them) is always, “I thought you wanted it”! This type of rape is also rarely reported because it takes the victim a while to remember if they ever do. Their minds are so cloudy they aren’t sure what happened. So because they can’t remember all the details or are listening to someone else tell their side of the story they feel they don’t have a case against their rape. My best advice for individuals that aren’t sure of the exact circumstances, believe your gut instincts, because they are typically right. You may not be to account for every detail but a person knows when they have been violated. Just take solice in knowing that you will never have to re-live it. That was the one positive thing that I focused on. Instead of trying to figure out what happened to me, like if I’m all over the internet and how many people assaulted me (I had 7 lesions in my uterus), I focused on the fact that I will never have to re-live my rape. You should still try and get some type of counseling or have an outlet to let out your feelings, no matter what they are. This type of rape leaves a lot to the victims imagination, and the victim might think the worst. Every victim of drug-facilitated rape must remember no matter what the circumstances were.

161 Responses to “Types of rape”

  1. Lynn says:

    J23, First question and this is in no way judging you, were you intoxicated? The only reason I ask is if you were then yes this could be rape. Or if somehow you felt threatened by him and were scared, then that too could be rape. If you were not intoxicated and gave him no indication by either verbally telling him or try and get away from him/the situation or somehow let him know that he could not do this to you then how would he know to stop or that you weren’t into it? Only you were there and can answer that. But again if you felt threatened by him (which is when sometimes we freeze up) or if he got rough with you against your will then it is absolutely rape. Hope that helps, stay strong! Lynn

  2. J23 says:

    I went over to this guys house and he was already naked when I walked in but I didn’t know before I went over and he started to kiss me and then get in top of me and he told me to take off my panties and jeans and then he was inside me? Is it technically rape? because I didn’t say no I just went along with it and I didn’t fight back

  3. Lynn says:

    K. This is a very grey area because if you don’t ever tell him no or ever try to stop him then he doesn’t know. Unless he tried to have sex when you weren’t mentally incapable of saying no, like if you were incoherent or something, then that is rape. Also, if he was ever forceful with you, whether or not you say no that is rape because he is forcing you against your will. Hope that helps. Lynn

  4. Lynn says:

    D. It bothers me so deeply when people think they can’t go to their parents because they are more worried about them than what they are going through. My question to you is if this was your daughter what would you want her to do? I’m sure you would hope that she would come to you for help. I’m sure you would want her to get professional counseling, take her to the doctor, want to know who did this to her. If your daughter felt she couldn’t come to you, how would that make you feel. What if you found out years later that she went through that without ever coming to you. I think you do know the answer of what to do. Stay strong, you can do it! Lynn

  5. d says:

    I was raped by someone I trusted so much. I still can’t believe he could be that cruel to me. He’s married and has a daughter of his own yet he chose to rape someone else’s daughter. What can I do? Its getting the better part of me. I can’t even tell my parents. My mom would die of shock since it happened in his house. I’m totally confused and I don’t know what to do. I need help.

  6. K says:

    When I’d go to my (ex) boyfriend’s house we would always have sex but I never really wanted to. At first he would try to undo my jeans and I would move his hand away and say no but he’d keep trying. He was never violent or forceful or mean, quite the opposite actually. I just couldn’t say no to him but to be honest I was terrified and I always felt really really bad about myself afterwards. After the first couple of times this happened I stopped trying to stop him. I was really depressed and I didn’t have the energy anymore. I would let him do whatever he wanted and while I never said “yes” I never said “no” either. He would ask if I wanted to and I would just look at him and not say anything so eventually he would do it anyway. Even though I felt like complete shit and it was affecting my school and my overall mood I didn’t think he was wrong. I blamed myself for not saying something to him. I should have told him I didn’t want to do it, I should have told him no when he’d ask but I wanted to be with him. I wanted him to love me and I didn’t want him to leave. The last time I saw him everything was playing out as it normally did but I felt weird. Just before we actually did it I went into a huge anxiety attack. I was trembling really bad and crying and hyperventilating and I wouldn’t let him touch me. He calmed me down but we ended up not having sex. I didn’t see or talk to him for about a week after that and by the time I did he’d found a new girlfriend. Just recently I read an article about a girl who was raped but she didn’t realize it was rape until years after it happened. She was in a similar situation but with a much older man. She didn’t say yes, but she didn’t say no or try to stop him. I never in a million years would have considered what we were doing to be rape, I mean he had no way of knowing I didn’t want to do it right? I’m still unsure if it qualifies as rape but it really eats at me… I don’t want to get him into trouble, I still feel like it’s not his fault. I just want to know if it was technically rape or not (I was 17 at the time and he was 20).

  7. Lynn says:

    22 Any time you don’t consent to sex it is rape especially when you aren’t coherent to ask. The first time wasn’t but the second time was, to be clear. I’m glad you came to look for help because that means you are ready. For the record just because you drank too much is NOT an excuse for rape, there is NEVER an excuse for rape. Your best step is to get professional counseling. This is not only going to help you deal with the rape but with your current boyfriend. That being said, YOU are first! So take care of yourself first (meaning dealing with the rape) and then you can move onto you current relationship. Because once you start getting your head together, dealing with all the other issues becomes easier and clearer. Stay strong! Lynn

  8. Lynn says:

    J. This is absolutely rape. Any time you are forced to have sex against your will it is rape. I would save all messages, texts etc to help build your case BUT stay away from him. Rape is about control and because you haven’t reported him he thinks he still has control over you. And by the way this happens way more than you think for people to be in abusive relationships and it is rape. It doesn’t matter if it is with the person you are in a relationship or not. What determines rape is if it is against your will. He is just trying to control your mind and body. If you have any text messages or phone messages already take them to the police and show them and tell them you are scared because of what he has done to you, which is why you didn’t go to them sooner and ask for their help. Either way whatever you do you need to get counseling, this will not only help you heal but it can help with how to deal with him going forward. Stay strong! Lynn

  9. 22 says:

    Almost a year ago I went out drinking with friends and my boyfriend (at the time) I had drank way too much. My boyfriend and I went back to my apartment and I drunkenly had sex with him, but as soon as it was over I passed out. I half way woke up a little later to my boyfriend having sex with me again I tried to put my hands up and say “no” but I couldn’t get my body to do what I wanted it to do. He doesn’t believe it was rape because we had sex before and I didn’t say no, I still can’t say I was raped. I stayed with him for a month after the incident before I finally mustered the courage to break up with him. We had been together for almost 7 years and throughout our relationship we had a lot of issued with sex. He took my virginity in high school after three years of dating, I still didn’t want to do it but I was stupid and thought I couldn’t live without him and knew he would leave me if I didn’t have sex with him. After that happened I wouldn’t let him come near me for months. I have a new boyfriend now who I have told and he’s completely understanding but he knows I need help. This month is a year from when it happened and I have a complete melt down after drinking too much and remembering what had happened to me. I still haven’t told my parents because I feel like they won’t consider what happened to me to be rape and tell me it was my own fault for ever having sex with him and for drinking too much. I just don’t know how to deal with what happened or if what happened was even rape. I can’t let my ex ruin my life anymore and I can’t let what happened ruin the relationship I have now.

  10. J says:

    my ex boyfriend used to threaten to leave me if i didnt have sex with him. hed force himself on me & i wasnt able to do anything. were notgether anymore but he continues to call & say hes goin to get a restraint on me. which makes no sense. im trying to build a case but unsure on what type of rape it is. i was innocent & still had my innocences before he forced me todo things. help? idk what todo or call it. because he says since we wete together i cant do anything about it, but i dont want him to get away wirh this.

  11. Lynn says:

    AM. I am glad you came here for help because that means you are ready to receive it. As you can tell trying to sweep it under the rug doesn’t help. Rape is like a shadow that you can’t run from, the only way to deal is to face it head on, through counseling. Whenever you are ready either call your local crisis center or go to rainn.org to find the nearest counselor to you for help. You need to understand that keeping it inside only makes the wound deeper and deeper and I promise you it will come out and typically when you least expect it. You are young and the quicker you get professional help the sooner you will start healing. The longer you wait the longer it takes. And trust me when I tell you that you needs this help for future relationship for when you have a family, maybe a little girl and then she is your age. This is something that never goes away unfortunately HOWEVER we can learn to deal which makes us heal. And the more you let out through talking, tears, writing etc the more room you have to heal so don’t be scared. Also, you should be talking to the counselor about details NOT boyfriends, parents, friends. It’s absolutely ok to tell them you are a rape survivor, but not necessary to go into details because sometimes that hurts the situation more than helps. That should be left for the professional that knows how to constructively help you going forward. Stay strong! Lynn

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