Types of rape

1) Sexual Assault (whether from someone you knew or a stranger):

Rape is an act of physical and sexual violence done to gain power and control. It is not a sexual act or act of passion. Approx. 80% of rapes involve non-physical force, just the verbal threat of injury or threat with a weapon. They use just enough force via mentally or physically to gain submission and then the aggression continues once they have submission. In many cases there are no bruises or physical injury to indicate rape because the rapist doesn’t want to leave evidence and make it harder on the victim to prove. Approx 71% of all rapes the attack is planned by trapping the victim, which occurs in date rape, aquaintance rape, or gang rape. Approx. 11% of rapes are partially planned. This occurs when the rapist realizes that the victim is in a vulnerable position, such as burglaries turning into rape. Also, rape most often occurs in the home of the victim.

2) Submissive Rape:

This is the most unrecognized and least talked about of all rapes. It is also very common because when some victims become so terrified they go into survival mode by staying as calm and figure out the best possible way to get out of the situation, even if that is to temporarily “mentally check out” of the physical act happening. If it happens to be a stranger, submissive rape is common because the victim doesn’t know if this person is capable of killing or not. Most victims of submissive rape feel this was their weakness and unfortunately usually have to answer to the people they’ve confided in and explain why they did what they did, when at the time they don’t understand themselves. Let me tell you, this is a strength not a weakness because the victim did what they had to do to get out of the situation, still alive (even though it doesn’t feel like it). You had to save yourself the only way you knew you could at the time.

Then there is submissive rape with someone you know, even possibly a husband, boyfriend or maybe an ex. This type of rape is very controversial because it is their word against yours and you may have even had consensual sex before. This is also the most common type of rape amongst married people and couples since they are hardly ever reported because they think no one will believe them. It is all about control, not you, remember – rape is rape is rape.

3) Drug-facilitated rape:

I can give some personal insight on this since it happened to me twice in my life. The first time I didn’t know what happened. Didn’t tell anyone and thought I must of blacked out and stayed in denial. Years later I realized what happened to me and dealt with both rapes. Drug facilited rapes are in rampage everywhere from your typical clubs and house parties to your neighborhood restaurants. It can be a stranger to someone you thought you knew or trusted. Their line (if you catch or know them) is always, “I thought you wanted it”! This type of rape is also rarely reported because it takes the victim a while to remember if they ever do. Their minds are so cloudy they aren’t sure what happened. So because they can’t remember all the details or are listening to someone else tell their side of the story they feel they don’t have a case against their rape. My best advice for individuals that aren’t sure of the exact circumstances, believe your gut instincts, because they are typically right. You may not be to account for every detail but a person knows when they have been violated. Just take solice in knowing that you will never have to re-live it. That was the one positive thing that I focused on. Instead of trying to figure out what happened to me, like if I’m all over the internet and how many people assaulted me (I had 7 lesions in my uterus), I focused on the fact that I will never have to re-live my rape. You should still try and get some type of counseling or have an outlet to let out your feelings, no matter what they are. This type of rape leaves a lot to the victims imagination, and the victim might think the worst. Every victim of drug-facilitated rape must remember no matter what the circumstances were..

205 Responses to “Types of rape”

  1. Lynn says:

    L. Rape isn’t something that just goes away, you have to deal with it in order to move on and that is done through professional counseling. As you can see from all the time that has passed and it still haunts you. The longer you keep your rape in the more it festers and affects every aspect of your life. I think you can see that. The more you talk about it and let it out the more room you have to heal. So don’t give up and think that this is the way it will be forever because if you get the help you need it won’t be. It takes some work but you and your future are worth it. Stay strong! Lynn

  2. l says:

    i am a 40 year old female and i have been raped when i was 24. I was in another state going to school. I met a guy thought i knew him well . We started dating. We had sex that was consensual, but this one particular day, i wasn’t feeling well and didn’t feel like it. He told me if i did’t that he would put me out,and he know that i wasn’t from there and didn’t know anybody, I felt like he took advantage of that also. Until this day this is the first time I ever talked about it. I have had unsuccessful relationships since then. I don’t even want a relationship or to even have sex anymore. I’ve tried to(i have two great kids that i love). I often wonder what is wrong with me. I don’t know what to do.

  3. Lynn says:

    S. I’m sorry this is the first post that I have seen. To answer your question you DO NOT owe your mother an apology and I hate to see when your own family sides with the rapist. It is despicable to me and it’s always because they just can’t see/believe the person is capable of doing that. I hope your sisters are there for you with the support you need. I highly suggest getting counseling for your rape and it will help with your mother situation too. Whatever you do stay far away from this man. Maybe when your mother sees you actually get counseling she will start to believe you. This man is just going to continue to do this because he is getting away with it. So stay as far away from him as possible and get into counseling. Stay strong! Lynn

  4. S says:

    I tried to find out if two encounters were considered some kind of rape and asked for your help but my response was never answered and now it is not even posted.
    On New Years Eve My mom’s house guest from the Congo (he has been in the USA for five years) came with me to a club we could walk to. I had a glass of wine while getting ready. I’m Bipolar and very, very rarely drink because of the medications I take AM and PM. When he arrived at my apartment He had a cheap bottle of gin and made certain I had several drinks as the night progressed. I became very drunk but I could still talk and understand what was going on. We had one drink at the club and I was unstable enough that I had to hold onto him to go up and down the stairs, to dance and to do many things that required being upright. WE went to the second floor so I could use the bathroom and he followed me into the stall. I was taken advantage of twice-at least-while I was away from home and contracted genital herpes. I was at the end of the breakout during this time and told him no over and over to having sex, even going as far as offering a blowjob or hand job to get him to leave me alone. He declined still saying I don’t care if you have herpes and I still said no. At midnight I told him it’s good luck to kiss, so we did. I thought it was an innocent peck on the lips? As we walked back to my apartment he was to stay in my roommate’s room and I in mine. We sat on the couch for a bit but as son as I got home I took my PM medicine including, pain medicine, 1mg of Clonapin and 30mg of Restaril, not to mention 200mg of Seroquil. It wasn’t long until I wasn’t sure of what was going on, but I remember showing him his room. I woke up naked, hungover and ashamed. I got out of him over breakfast that he had sex with me and came inside of me without a condom. I got him back to my parent’s home as fast as I could and found where I could get Plan-B. I was really nice to him at breakfast because I needed info and I felt so dirty/ashamed. The very next night he shows up at my door well after I’ve taken my meds but I stupidly let him up. I don’t want to burden my family by having to come and get him. I tel him he has to sleep in the roommate’s bed and go to my room and close the door. I crash and am asleep in minutes. When I wake I’ve no underpants on. When I confront him he says its fine because I took “the pill” already. He has also had sex with my very drunk, alcoholic, sister in early December and told me how she made him feel “small” while we were walking back from the club. The last week of January I moved into the room next to his, sharing a bathroom. Then after my sister is arrested for another DUI, I break and in confidence tell the husband of another of my sister living there about what happened between them. He tells his wife, my youngest sister, and in minutes everyone (the whole family) knows. Then the drunk denies it ever happened. I’d been vague about my encounters but came out in detail to the youngest sister, and she pushes, along with the oldest sister, to have him move out. My mom thinks he is the golden child (at 25) treats me now like I made it all up to get him out of the house. She is devastated and won’t talk to me. She has chosen him over her blood. Not to mention that this was horrible for me. I know I took the medication. It is prescribed and I can’t go without it. I guess I’m asking if I owe her an apology or if she owes me one. I know I was highly taken advantage of.

  5. Lynn says:

    NT Your trauma is still valid and it doesn’t mean you supported him it just means you made a bad decision to remain friends with him. Let me explain, this guy obviously knew what he was doing. I’m sure it wasn’t the first or the last time because HE GETS AWAY WITH IT! Rape is not about the victim it is about control. When they can get away with it, it most likely happens again because they have control. The only way for them to loose control is when someone tells. And since no one has he will continue which is why he tried with you. That unfortunately is a perfect example. A lot of the times they will go back to the same person because again they got away with it once with that person so they do it again. So hopefully you are far away from this guy. If not get some protection like pepper spray or a stun gun. Considering taking a self defense class. Most importantly take care of yourself because again your trauma is valid and you need counseling. Stay strong! Lynn

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