Comments for Dealing with Rape

Comment on You are not alone….. by Lynn

Lynn — Fri, 18 May 2012 17:12:56 +0000

C. I understand how you feel however you can still take care of yourself and you need to do just that. You need to not worry what other do or do not think and get to a counselor who won’t judge you but instead help you through this ordeal. One thing I need you to know is that if you committ suicide then your rapist would have won and he won’t stop there. It’s not about telling someone to try and convict him, it’s about taking back control of your life. Rape is about control and when someone doesn’t report it the first thing they think is that they can and most likely will do it again. That being said, a lot don’t report for whatever reason (I didn’t either) but the next MANDATORY step is to not let them control your life anymore by getting professional help. because everyday that goes by that you don’t help yourself he stays in control. You remain in fear, humiliation and not able to trust. With professional help you can loose the humiliation and fear and start to learn to trust people and listen to your instincts. Then he won’t be in control of your feelings and you will be able to live the way you want not held back by your fears. another thing is that you shouldn’t feel humiliated because this doesn’t define you only the person that did this to you as a rapist. I don’t care if you were off your meds or what you were doing, you didn’t go out that day asking to be raped. You did nothing wrong so you need to take those bad feelings off your shoulders and forgive yourself. Once you can do that you will feel a lot better. You deserve a good life but you have to work for it. Don’t let him control another second of your feelings or life because it is yours NOT his! Go to counseling where I promise they won’t judge, try and find a female and I would even ask when making the appt if they specialize in rape. You are worth it! Stay strong! Lynn

Comment on Steps in The Healing Process by K

Tue, 15 May 2012 11:07:16 +0000

Thank you so much for your reply. While I was in hospital they made me talk to a psychiatrist briefly. And I had my first session with her today and she’s really nice I might tell her, and she won’t like judge me. I haven’t told anyone yet because it’s hard to it’s f’d up and embarrassing.
I miss my (half) sister though because she lives with my dad and I can’t see her now. Thank you so much I feel better reading your reply

Comment on You are not alone….. by c.

c. — Sun, 13 May 2012 10:23:22 +0000

it was about a month ago that I was raped, I haven’t told anyone well no I have told one person, my care co-ordinator, but no one real, first thing this has happened before 10 years ago when I was 14 I was sexually assualted and nobody believed me, so I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.
I have been just pretending to be okay, trying my best to appear that I am fine, I kinda had too I started a new job a couple of weeks before.
I have attempted suicide twice since and in general am not coping. I think maybe I would feel better if I had reported it, but I didn’t remember what happened til a week later and by that time all evidence was gone all that was left was my testimony and who is going to believe some mentally unstable person, who wasn’t taking her meds at the time?

Comment on Steps in The Healing Process by Lynn

Lynn — Sat, 12 May 2012 23:03:12 +0000

K. I’m so very very sorry that you’ve been through something so horrific. Have you told your mom? Have you told anyone? Can you tell a doctor that can examine you to confirm to your mother? The one thing you need to understand is that you were young and vulnerable and taken advantage of by someone that you trusted. Meaning that you don’t need to be disgusted with yourself but only your father. And you need to know that you can and will be loved because this doesn’t make you a bad person and this doesn’t define you. This only makes your father a bad abusive person and defines him as a rapist and a pedophile. You did nothing wrong, I promise you and no one is going to look at you like you did anything wrong. This is all on your father not you. You need to be honest with your mother, brother or a family member that can protect you. And if I was in your shoes I would go to the doctor tell him and go to the police. The doctor will be able to tell you are not a virgin and can confirm to the police your story. I am just scared for you and your mental and physical health. If your father could do this to you he could try again and he most likely will do it to someone other young girl. My first priority is your safety. So please make sure to tell a family member that you trust and can protect you from this man. You also need to get professional counseling. Everyone that goes through rape needs professional counseling and the fact that you went through it for years and tried suicide means you need it right now. Hopefully your mother will understand why you tried once you tell her (if you can). If you don’t feel you can turn to your mother then talk to a school counselor, or call your local crisis center as they keep everything anonymous but can also offer you personal counseling. Just tell someone you trust and can actually help you get to a counselor. The longer you wait the worse it will get I promise you. So if you can’t tell a family member tell a friends parent, someone a church, a teacher just someone you can trust that can help you. I promise if you do it will get better because it means you want a better life, but you have to work for it. It sucks I know that we as the victims are the ones that have to work hard at getting our lives back when we didn’t bring this into our lives but we do. And I’m not gonna lie it is hard BUT it is so worth it. And a young girl like you deserves the best and brightest future because of what you’ve been through. So don’t give up because you are worthy of love and a happy life. And you know what every day that goes by that you don’t try means he is still in control of you. He doesn’t deserve another day or minute. So take back control of your life by trying to make yourself better. Because if you give up he wins and I know you don’t want that and neither do I. So the best way to defeat him is to get a little better everyday. Stay strong! Lynn

Comment on Steps in The Healing Process by K

Sat, 12 May 2012 14:47:20 +0000

I tried to kill myself, which failed, i ended up in hospital and my mum thought I was overreacting about nothing. So here I am. Looking around on the Internet too scared to write down what’s happened to me and reading other people’s stories. It’s kind of nice to know there’s other people who have gone through the same things I have although I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
My dad raped me when I was 8 up until I was 13 when my parents got a divorce and me and my brother refuse to see him. I’m 14, nearly 15 now and I’m just disgusted with myself, no one could ever love me now. I can’t remember anything but bad things from then and younger. It was horrible I was in so much pain and he never seemed to care he just kept on coming back. He raped me vaginally and anally. It happened almost every day. He’d call me names. I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to have a normal life. I want to start fresh but I can’t. I feel so alone, I guess I just need some advice on how to feel less disgusted with myself and move on, thanks.

Comment on Types of rape by Lynn

Lynn — Sat, 12 May 2012 01:14:06 +0000

K. Let me explain that rape is about control so it is very common in rape that the person you trust thinks that they can control you and they don’t associate it as rape but instead they have “the right” because you are theirs. Which is obviously wrong because no one owns someone else, even in marriage. You can commit but no one owns the other. This is what happened to you when you were raped. That being said, most guys don’t think or act this way, you just happened to get involved with 2 that do. I’m very sorry you had to go through that. It will definitely cause you trust issues, understandably so. But as I said not all guys are like that and you can’t blame every guy for the actions of others. What you can do is trust your instinct. And know that is different than your fears. The best thing to do is tell him the truth especially if you are thinking of having sex with him. All rape victims should tell the person they are thinking about having sexual relations with about the fact that they were raped. Not the details just that they are rape survivors. This will weed out the guys that can handle it and really care about you as a person and the ones that don’t.I know this sounds crazy but trust me you would rather know about the person that can’t handle it before you give yourself to them. It hurts a lot worse after the fact if they don’t stick around. Then if you are honest and they are ok the connection is a lot deeper for both of you. But you still need to get your own help through counseling because no one can truly help your feelings of distrust than a professional. And I would also recommend taking a self defense class for your own protection and sense of security. That way you know what to do 24/7 no matter where you are and who is around. Stay strong! Lynn

Comment on Types of rape by k

Fri, 11 May 2012 00:19:53 +0000

I was raped twice and both times they were by my boyfriends. The first time, he wanted to have sex and I kept saying no but he wouldn’t stop. He held me down and I fought but my body just shut down and just layed there until he was finished. I never told anyone at that time as we had consenual sex before I figured noone would believe me. The second time, I was in the process of breaking up with my boyfriend as he had a tendancy to be violent and he also used drugs. When I told him that I was leaving him, he hit me and and threw me down and stated that I was never ging to leave him as he loved me. I fought him and the more I fought, the more violent he became. I have been suffering from nightmares, eating disorders and anxiety attacks. I have met this nice guy and all I seem to do is push him away. When I try to have sex with him I continuously have flashbacks. I need help.

Comment on Steps in The Healing Process by Lynn

Lynn — Sat, 05 May 2012 13:08:17 +0000

P. When you tell your mother you let her know exactly what you told me that you aren’t sure which one it is. Therefore stay away from all three. It will be difficult to determine UNLESS someone else has heard of one of them doing something similar. There isno reason they would tell you but they might know something. I have no idea what your mother will do,confront them or not but either way you should stay awaay from them all unless it comes out which one it is. And until that happens all you ng children should be kept away. Because if no one has heard of anything I can tell you she would very possibly still do it to young children, especially if never caught. I’m sure you weren;t the first and probably not the last unfortunately. Stay strong! Lynn

Comment on Steps in The Healing Process by P

Fri, 04 May 2012 08:09:22 +0000

Oh and one more thing there’s a problem… my grate aunt is one of triplets I don’t remember which one she was cause they all switched out over the week so I don’t know which one it was so there’s no way of making sure no child is close to her what do I do about that?

Comment on Steps in The Healing Process by P

Fri, 04 May 2012 08:04:42 +0000

Thankfully she is no longer around me I haven’t seen her in a long time but I go to the same house at least 4 times a year to see my grandfather cause we stayed at his house when I was there and its hard I am planing on telling my friends older sister and having her help me tell my parents thank you so much for getting back to me